I often find myself thrown into the “does this really work” mentality at work. Not that I”m educated in such fields of design, layout or even type, but in some way I feel more qualified to ask that question.
I flip through various pieces we send to potential clients and wonder, “do we really try to say something different with our words and design or are we merely just trying to get the job done?”
I find myself in this place, yet again, wondering how I got here and why I’m lingering for so long? I want to make a difference and change something in a big way, but the pushing of this giant boulder up the hill is seeming a little redundant. I’m partially expecting it to roll back on top of me and flatten my direction as a 20 something employee.
I should be happy I have a job and rejoice in my steady paycheck I always count before my chickens have reached the bank, but I wonder each and every Monday “why?” Not “why can’t I find that dream job and …”, but rather “why can’t I seem to get past this hump?” Proposal generation has slowed down drastically and I’m no longer the go-to girl of the office. Not sure of the change in the amount of work I usually had thrown at me, but part of me is not entirely sad of the fact. I’m having to create things for me to do, thus bringing me to the question “is the chopping block about to hit my head?” Am I the next person to be laid off due to this halt in our construction industry? If so, why me? I’m not the best in design in terms of designers, but I feel like I have a few legs up here on the variety I can offer.
Right now, as three co-workers busily move about for a project across the states, I sit here making up things to pursue because “must not seem bored” lest my boss have to talk with me again on “whether or not I really like my job.”
“Really like my job”…what a rarity. I hate it when people gush over their love of their jobs because it shoves my face into the mirror of “how I’m not my job’s biggest fan”. First of all, I sit behind a desk when I should be with people talking and making things happen.
There could be an opportunity, even though as each passing month ends I feel less confident, for me to move to our Phoenix office. There’s a need but no budget. “Hello” risk, but that I would love. I would love to be needed and able to do more than sit here and be a design monkey. Sorry, Amy. 
I think the worst part is I don’t look good on paper. For me to pursue another adventure would be direct contact and winning them over with my personality and passion.
On top of that, my second plan was to stick through these tough times at my job and volunteer like crazy. Funny enough no one is interested in my volunteering in a committee, program aspect. What? Really?
I guess the real question is: Am I desperate enough to take what comes my way here or am I empowered enough to kick conventions ass and make my own way? I’m hoping for the latter.
