I’ve been a horrible little blogger, but I swear it’s not all my fault. I have no Internet except here at work, I have a new roommate so I am never in my room and have been busier than a big girl at a bake sale (I would know).
I’ve contemplated nursing school, buying a house, being in a full blown relationship, partying like a 24-year old and working out again. All those things have been the emphasis of my daily existence until this week. I’ve given up. Not permanently or even temporally, but prematurely. Because my plans to jump into nursing school are not happening as I had hoped (and/or planned) I’m frozen. I don’t know where to go next or how to go about this whole thing.
I’ve met with two local schools and realized a) I’m going to have no money b) I’m going to have no time. Also, since I’m a really slow student, I will need to take my time appropriately. That’s where my plan broke. I have to take 24 hours of core prerequisites before August 2009. Oh, did I mention that they are all labs? Yeah, I know me and I will need to take my time and really work hard in each class. Although I love, love, love science it does not generally love that easily.
So what do I do? Do I enroll in community college anyways for a just a class to get the ball rolling? Do I cry and hide under my bed (which would be really hard to do seeing how I was that big girl at the bake sale)? Do I accept the fact that my dream is really far out there and look for other doors? Is this really a dream or am I just falling in love with a profession versus a path? Is that what it’s about: profession versus path?
All those questions I haven’t allowed myself to answer. Why? I don’t know. If I would just stop trying to run from what’s hard maybe I would have it worked out. I always do this. It doesn’t excuse it, but that’s how I’m working these days.
Take Amy, my parents, my home buying adventure, my career, my education and generally anything else going on in my life as an example. I suck right now at facing things.
I use to be an expert “facer”. I was able to look something in the eyes and tell it “bitch, you don’t scare me.” Now I’m like “Okay, I’m your bitch.”
The good news within all of this is now I’m constantly moving. So, at the very least, I’m not being lazy. With new, fun, fashionable roommate and various after work activities I am always on the move. At first I was tired and hated it, but not I’ve learned to love it and actually look forward to it. I haven’t been able to just be a lump since Thanksgiving and I probably won’t be one again until Sunday.
In other news, my birthday is this weekend! Go me and my day of birth. I’m sure my mom will tell me how many hours she was in labor and how big my head was. Yeah, that’s always a great story to hear as you’re eating your birthday pancakes. Yum! This year, I’ll just have to hear it over birthday lunch. Even better.
