It has been several weeks that I have lived a tight budgeted life. I learned to get by on $50 a week for groceries and still be able to cook GOOD, HEALTHY food and not just live on sandwiches. I learned to travel less and only use my car when I had to. I learned to live tight and be responsible for my financial misery. Then (right when I was about to set myself free) I got a second dog. I’m such an idiot.
I trick myself into thinking it was well thought out and the perfect timing; however, I am hitting the deepest of the deep in terms of income since this very furry purchase. The point of this blog is that it was ALL MY CHOICE to get this second dog. Just as it was to max out my credit card to get a new computer. It was also my choice to go shopping for lavishes perfume at a store I should NEVER have a credit card to for the reason that I simple wanted it.
I so thought I was getting a handle on things.
Perhaps this just me bitching about another month-two months of tight budgeting, but I just hope I can get it all figured out. I’m almost evil enough to never give my church my tithe! For some people that don’t tithe that just sounded really silly. For those of you who have no idea what that means “tithe” then click the link.
The problem with me, and what I’ve been trying to address, is I don’t deal with the repercussions of my spending actions. I use government money (tax returns, not stolen funds) to pay for my shoe habit rather than pay OFF my credit card. I wait till birthday money comes so I can buy Christmas gifts for family and friends because I’ve spent all my money on myself. I’m such a winch.
Tonight was suppose to be my second night at counseling, but NOOOO I had to cancel so I could be responsible and save the money. Rather than save the money I had to spend it on Pippa (second dog) and her sickly body. Sweet dog, really, but I just dropped a car payment on a dog that can’t go potty outside.
I want to get a second job. Yeah, a second job to tire me, break me down and give me no time for anything else so I can pay off my credit card.
The worst part is I’ve already been here. Not but four, three years ago I was a spending fool on five different credit cards forced to move home to live with me mom and dad after university. For NINE MONTHS I lived under the roof of “you have your head up your arse” and “why don’t you go to bed for a good nights sleep”. I just can’t believe I haven’t learned my lesson.
I keep telling myself “you need a roommate and it will be okay” or “you’re going to get a raise soon and it will be okay” or even “you’ll be shifting a job soon and it will be okay”. Worst part is, none of those reassuring words fix the problem. They just reinforce the bad behavior. It’s like positive negative reinforcement. I keep teaching myself to get out jams and pay things off with slick handy work, while the spending out of control continues on.
Today, I had the pleasure of having lunch with Amy. She was telling me about some MTV show where they’re now taking the “Super 16 Birthday” girls, sending them to a remote African village and having them live with someone their age for a week in effort to curve their view on the world. Funny how these girls wouldn’t have to GO to Africa if their parents didn’t spoil them, but that’s OBVIOUSLY besides the point MTV is trying to make here. One scene my non-MTV watching secret lover said that stuck with her was when the rich girl tried to explain “shopping” to the African girl. The African (I really don’t know if she’s African, but we’ll go with it since I wasn’t the one who actually watched the show) girl could not wrap her mind around the amusement of shopping for things was to us. She and those in her village “shopped” for items out of necessity. In fact, they had to save and save to shop for things they needed NOT wanted. That stopped me dead in my tracks.
Nearly HALF of what I shop for (if not more) is NOT out of necessity. I have loans and credit cards to pay for things I didn’t NEED, but WANTED. I’ve reached my spending max for the year because I purchased things I wanted and never needed. It makes me feel so ashamed thinking about this girl who builds her home out of cow dung and has to walk several hours to reach another village/area for certain NECESSARY supplies. I don’t even know how comprehend that sort of life, but in some deep way I want to.
I hate saying that because I fear my desire for financial humility will spur God into giving it to me. For those of you who grew up in the church and have learned when you ask for something that can truly make you a better person out of need versus want, you get it. This is one of those things. Oh God, please don’t make me have to live on the streets or with my parents or anything, but help me to know necessity only.
I’m so materialistic. I’m brand loyal in the worst way and can spend money like it’s nothing. Funny thing is I never grew up having money. I learned to love it and everything it stood for in college when nothing else would love me back. Now, I have a lot of work to do, but I hope to start spending my money (what little I do have) on things of value. Not things that make me feel richer, more valuable or even more beautiful, but things that make me a better person. That sounds so stupid.
Okay, what I’m meaning to say is I don’t want to spend money out of want but necessity. Perhaps, I’m already doing that, but no more dogs…I promise! I’ll keep looking for that roommate, because really that does need to happen, but I’m going to think in terms of need.
